Paradox of Love:

     I've seen hundreds of quotes like these, and I have personally been given conflicting advice by friends and family on this subject. It's no wonder we are so confused and live in such turmoil.  "Self sacrifice is the greatest expression of love."... "To capture another's heart, we must first capture our own."... “I finally understood what true love meant-love meant that you care for another person's happiness more than your own, no matter how painful the choices you face might be.”... "Self Love is the best way to find True Love."... "But love isn't just about feeling good. It's about doing what you don't want to do, over and over again, if it needs to be done, for the sake of someone else. Love is really about self-sacrifice.”... "You have to love yourself because no amount of love from others is sufficient to fill the yearning that your soul requires from you."... and on and on and on.

                What on earth is all of this supposed to mean?  Do we selfishly love ourselves first so that we can be healthy and capable to love others as we have loved ourselves?  Do we sacrifice our own wants and needs to selflessly love others as if we are conducting some heroic, admirable act?  Does it matter who the recipient of our love is that determines which we decide to do?  Is it ever possible to do both at the same time?

        The thing is...I don't really know the answers.  I've seen sacrificial love tear a person down to nothingness and severe emotional distress for the sake of another.  I've seen the act of seeking self-love destroy others, bringing them to their knees with little to no self-worth left.  Who is worthy of our self-sacrificial love--our children, our parents, our spouses, our siblings, our friends, our extended family, our coworkers/peers?  Who gets left behind while we're busy learning to love ourselves first--our children, our parents, our spouses, our siblings, our friends, our extended family, our coworkers/peers?  When you look at it that way, doesn't it all just really seem absurd and simply unobtainable?  This paradox of love twists our minds and wrenches our hearts until we're staring into a pool of tears wondering where we went wrong with our choices. 

        You see...it really just comes down to that.  A choice.  A series of choices.  A decision on where you plant your focus.  And, why do we even have to make that type of decision?  Honestly, it's a reaction to a catalyst. We get here because of our environmental circle of others. We respond to how others treat us, how well we are physically and emotionally cared for, how safe and/or secure we feel, how loved we feel, how our needs are being met or not being met, etc.  I don't believe that we just wake up one day and decide to forsake all others and go on a quest for self-love.  I don't think we just suddenly stop loving ourselves for the sake of others just out of the blue.  We react to an event, a series of events, a lifetime of catalysts to get to this point.  Then we feel compelled to make that decision to either follow the path to self-love or sacrifice ourselves for another.

        Making that decision isn't easy.  There are all of those books, songs, quotes, and professionals to tell you that you're doing it wrong.  There are all of those friends and family members there to tell you that you're doing it wrong.  When that paradox of love comes at you like a semi-truck, you have to untwist your mind, unwrench your heart, and listen to your gut instincts.  All of those nerves in your gut--they hold the key to your core intuition. Don't ignore them.  They are rarely wrong.  So, go with your gut, and may your love path lead you where you're truly meant to be.