Super power or stupid power?

"Courage is to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart."

(Brene Brown)

"It is not necessary to be strong in every place if in the place you are vulnerable, you are loved."

(Robert Brault)

"Daring greatly means the courage to BE VULNERABLE.  It means to show up and be seen.  To ask for what you need.  To talk about how you're feeling.  To have the hard conversations."

(Brene Brown)

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud

was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." 

(Anias Nin)

                When someone asks me, "What's your superpower?",  I often have to pause and think.  Well...the obvious thing that comes to mind, is that I'm a damned good cook, and I love to share that talent with others.  BAM!  There ya go!  Easy answer!    The more difficult and deeper answer, however,  is something that I struggle to call a "super power" but sometimes is more of the converse, a "stupid power".   But...Ultimately I'm going to go ahead and call my superpower MY VULNERABILITY. 

                Growing up, we moved around a lot--EIGHT times before graduating high school!  And, that also meant attending a total of seven different schools before I graduated.  If that doesn't leave you feeling vulnerable on a regular basis, I'm not sure what will.  Making new friends wasn't easy for me, and still isn't to this day.  I was a very shy, reserved kid that would turn red in the face just introducing myself to my new classroom each time we had to transfer to a new school.  I didn't like getting called on in class, because I hated that awful feeling of being vulnerable.  I just wanted to blend in to the background and not be seen or heard.   But, I also wanted friends.  I wanted to belong just as badly as I wanted to be invisible.   I would often stand along the wall by myself,  swing solo on the swing set, or play quietly alone until some friendly soul would finally approach me and allow me into their world.  I would timidly join my new-found friend(s), and slowly warm up to them and eventually become my comfortable and often giggly self. 

                Most of the time, my friendship circles would be fairly small, usually one or two close friends, but as I got older and we stayed for longer periods at certain locations, my friendship circles became bigger or would include several different smaller circles.  I preferred loyal, genuine friendships over large groups or popularity.  I would often get "wounded" upon discovering that a loyal friendship was something quite opposite of that.  It would bring me home in tears many times, feeling betrayed, pushed aside, or abandoned.    I can remember my sister's advice clearly in my ear, "Just say Fuck it!", "Just don't care what they think. That's what I do."  I tried so hard to follow her advice, but the truth is, I wasn't capable of just "not caring".  I had let myself be vulnerable to them, and they betrayed me!  How can someone just say "Fuck it!", and not care?  I didn't have it in me. 

                So, I guess instead of letting betrayal and abandonment harden me and make me cold and harsh, I continued to be true to myself and continued to (albeit timidly) put myself back out there over and over again.  Did I get hurt and betrayed again?  Yes, of course.  Many times.  But, I also learned to be attentive and intuitive and look within those friendship circles to observe whom I needed to be more careful around.   I still do that to this day, however, I still make mistakes in judgment.  I still trust too easily, or have previously let alcohol remove my filters and thus allowed myself to be vulnerable around those whom have not earned that privilege.   You see...vulnerability can be an amazingly powerful relationship builder, but as Brene Brown states in her audio series The Power Of Vulnerability: Teachings of Authenticity, Connection, and Courage, "You share with the people who earn the right to hear your story."

                I truly believe that you cannot cultivate an environment that promotes problem - solving, creativity,  and innovation if you cannot be vulnerable.  You have to go "all in" and put yourself out there and be seen and heard in order to make a difference.  You have to risk rejection and betrayal sometimes to be authentic.  Not everyone will love you for you.  Not everyone will appreciate you.  Not everyone will be empathetic to you.  Not everyone will be compassionate with you.  But, if you don't make yourself vulnerable...you are hiding your true self.  You are not being genuine or authentic.  How lonely must it feel to hide one's true self away from the world?

                Some of you may read this, shake your head, and think vulnerability is definitely a "stupid power"!   For you it may seem utterly absurd to allow yourself to be opened up to criticism, judged, abandoned, betrayed, gossiped about, and etc.  I'm learning that most who believe this to be a "stupid power" have been shamed into this way of thinking.  They were not able to re-enter the world of vulnerability  because they were shamed into believing they were somehow weak, defective, stupid, or otherwise not adequate when they attempted to be vulnerable with someone. 

                Vulnerability needs to be met with love, empathy, and compassion in order to release past feelings of shame or unworthiness.  I have found that social media is often dangerous ground for people who choose to  be authentically  vulnerable.  Some people will shame and criticize anything and everything that you choose to post.  Others will shower you with love, acceptance, empathy, compassion, and loyalty.  A single profile picture post can make you feel  beautiful or ugly just by a mere one-word comment.   A friend who chooses to unfriend or unfollow you for posting "too much in one day" can make you feel abandoned because you were merely crying out for help that day when you were hurting inside.

                 It's a risk we take each time we choose to be vulnerable.  It's a risk I take each time I choose to share something personal.  It's a risk I take each time I choose to trust a friend.  It's a risk I take each time I share my blog posts.  Will anyone read it?  Will anyone care?  Will anyone comment?  Will anyone take the time to read what I write?  Will rejection define me?  Will I allow what others think, stop me from writing my thoughts down for others to see?  The answer to all of those questions is...Maybe.  But, for today, I'm going to be authentically vulnerable, and put this out for the public to see, because if I can get just one person to respond to another's vulnerability with love, compassion, acceptance, and empathy...it's all worth it to me today.  Thank you for reading.  I really do appreciate it!